How Adults Talk to Young Children

 HOW ADULTS TALK TO YOUNG CHILDREN


By Peggy O. Harrelson
Extension Specialist, Child Development, Virginia State University)

Communicating positively with young children helps them develop confidence, feelings of self-worth, and good relationships with others. It also helps make life with young children more pleasant for children and parents.
Positive communication focuses on respect for the child and involves both speaking and listening. Communication is what we say and how we say it. Positive communication leads to nurturing relationships, cooperation, and feelings of worth.
Here are some ways to talk to children
•    Get the child's attention before speaking
Children can only concentrate on one thing at a time. Look directly at the child and call her/his name. A touch on the shoulder or taking her/his hand will help get her attention. Give her/his time to look at you before you start speaking.
(Example: "Sarah." Wait until she stops playing with the doll and looks at you.)
•    Communicate on the same level as the child
Communication is more effective if both people are on the same level. Adults need to stop down to the child's level or sit beside her. The words parents use in speaking to young children anticipate the nature of the child’s worlds. Making eye contact with the child lets her know that she has your attention and is much less intimidating to the child. The words adults use in speaking to young children anticipate the nature of the child’s worlds. Some words are easier to pronounce and more easier for children to understand.
•    Speak as if you mean it
Make important requests firmly. Use a firm tone of voice without sounding angry or pleading. Tell the child what you want her to do and why. Give clear, consistent instructions. Remember your body language. It should show that you are serious and expect the child to comply.
Say "Please," "Thank you," and "You're welcome" to the child.
Modeling appropriate behavior is one of the best ways to get desired behavior from a child. Children also deserve the common courtesies that we, as adults, expect. Children are more likely to carry out desired behaviors when we add these courtesies. Nagging a child to say "please" or "thank you" sets a bad example. They are more likely to use courtesies if they are not constantly reminded.
•    Make requests simple
Too many requests are confusing for a young child to remember. Make sure that your requests are short, clear and consistent. Laughing at a behavior one time and reacting angrily another sends the child a contradictory message.
•    Use more positive direction than negative
Positive communication with children uses more "Do's" than "Don'ts." In other words, tell the child what to do rather than what not to do. Children respond much quicker to positive demands than negative ones. Allow children to make choices when possible. They are more likely to show appropriate behavior when they have some control over their actions.
•    Talk with-not at-children
Adults should communicate with children with the respect and consideration they give their friends. Sometimes, adults spend so much time talking "to" the child that they neglect the listening part of communication. Talking with children lets them know that not only do we have something to tell them, but that we are also willing to listen to what they have to say.
•    Keep lines of communication open by listening attentively when the child talks to you
Encourage the child to talk to you. However, if you are busy, do not pretend to listen. Tell the child, "I'm busy now, but we will talk about it later." Be sure to follow through with the child. Never try to trick children. Answer questions honestly. Share your feelings and ideas but accept the child's fears, ideas and feelings. Never promise the child anything that you cannot deliver. Making an effort to keep our promises to children increases the effectiveness of our communication.
•    Use kind words and actions to encourage and support the child
Unkind words help to tear a child down and make the child feel bad. Kind, supportive words and actions tell children that they are loved and lead to positive self-esteem. Nurturing words and actions help to develop trusting relationships where problems can be discussed and solved. Remember that affection is also part of effective communication and that comforting a child and sharing smiles and hugs are powerful communication tools.
    Yes          Good       Fine       Very good       Very fine          Excellent    Marvelous  
    That’s right      Correct     Wonderful      I like the way you do that      I’m proud of you
By : CDC – Center for Disease Control and Prevention
Child Development
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
Infants (0-1 year of age)
•    Talk to your baby. She will find your voice calming.
•    Answer when your baby makes sounds by repeating the sounds and adding words. This will help him learn to use language.
•    Read to your baby. This will help her develop and understand language and sounds.
•    Sing to your baby and play music. This will help your baby develop a love for music and will help his brain development.
•    Praise your baby and give her lots of loving attention.
•    Spend time cuddling and holding your baby. This will help him feel cared for and secure.
•    Play with your baby when she’s alert and relaxed. Watch your baby closely for signs of being tired or fussy so that she can take a break from playing.
•    Distract your baby with toys and move him to safe areas when he starts moving and touching things that he shouldn’t touch.
•    Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Parenting can be hard work! It is easier to enjoy your new baby and be a positive, loving parent when you are feeling good yourself.
Toddlers (1-2 years of age)
•    Ask her to find objects for you or name body parts and objects.
•    Play matching games with your toddler, like shape sorting and simple puzzles.
•    Encourage him to explore and try new things.
•    Help to develop your toddler’s language by talking with her and adding to words she starts. For example, if your toddler says "baba", you can respond, "Yes, you are right―that is a bottle."
•    Encourage your child's growing independence by letting him help with dressing himself and feeding himself.
•    Respond to wanted behaviors more than you punish unwanted behaviors (use only very brief time outs). Always tell or show your child what she should do instead.
•    Encourage your toddler’s curiosity and ability to recognize common objects by taking field trips together to the park or going on a bus ride.
Toddlers (2-3 years of age)
•    Set up a special time to read books with your toddler.
•    Encourage your child to take part in pretend play.
•    Play parade or follow the leader with your toddler.
•    Help your child to explore things around her by taking her on a walk or wagon ride.
•    Encourage your child to tell you his name and age.
•    Teach your child simple songs like Itsy Bitsy Spider, or other cultural childhood rhymes.
•    Give your child attention and praise when she follows instructions and shows positive behavior and limit attention for defiant behavior like tantrums. Teach your child acceptable ways to show that she’s upset.
Preschoolers (3-5 years of age)
•    Continue to read to your child. Nurture her love for books by taking her to the library or bookstore.
•    Let your child help with simple chores.
•    Encourage your child to play with other children. This helps him to learn the value of sharing and friendship.
•    Be clear and consistent when disciplining your child. Explain and show the behavior that you expect from her. Whenever you tell her no, follow up with what he should be doing instead.
•    Help your child develop good language skills by speaking to him in complete sentences and using "grown up" words. Help him to use the correct words and phrases.
•    Help your child through the steps to solve problems when she is upset.
•    Give your child a limited number of simple choices (for example, deciding what to wear, when to play, and what to eat for snack).

BILINGUAL LAGUANGE ACQUISITION
By Lauren Lowry
Hanen Certified Speech-Language Pathologist
How children learn more than one language
Bilingual acquisition can take place in one of two ways:
1.    Simultaneous Acquisition occurs when a child is raised bilingually from birth, or when the second language is introduced before the age of three . Children learning two languages simultaneously go through the same developmental stages as children learning one language. While bilingual children may start talking slightly later than monolingual children, they still begin talking within the normal range. From the very beginning of language learning, simultaneous bilinguals seem to acquire two separate languages. Early on, they are able to differentiate their two languages and have been shown to switch languages according to their conversation partner (e.g. speak French to a French-speaking parent, then switch to English with an English-speaking parent).
2.    Sequential Acquisition occurs when a second language is introduced after the first language is well-established (generally after the age of three). Children may experience sequential acquisition if they immigrate to a country where a different language is spoken. Sequential learning may also occur if the child exclusively speaks his heritage language at home until he begins school, where instruction is offered in a different language.
•    initially, he may use his home language for a brief period.
•    he may go through a “Silent” or “Nonverbal” Period when he is first exposed to a second language. This can last from a few weeks to several months, and is most likely a time when the child builds his understanding of the language. Younger children usually remain in this phase longer than older children. Children may rely on using gestures in this period, and use few words in the second language.
•    he will begin to use short or imitative sentences. The child may use one-word labels or memorized phrases such as “I dunno” or “What’s this?”. These sentences are not constructed from the child’s own vocabulary or knowledge of the language. Rather, they are phrases he has heard and memorized.
•    eventually, he will begin to produce his own sentences. These sentences are not entirely memorized, and incorporate some of the child’s own newly-learned vocabulary. The child may use a “formula” at first when constructing sentences and insert his own word into a common phrase such as “I want…” or “I do….”. Eventually the child becomes more and more fluent, but continues to make grammatical mistakes or produce sentences that sound abbreviated because he is missing some grammatical rules (e.g. “I no want eat apple” instead of “I don’t want to eat an apple”). Some of the mistakes a child makes at this stage are due to the influence of his first language. But many of the mistakes are the same types of mistakes that monolingual children make when they learn that language.

The Six Types of Childhood Bilingual Language Acquisition


Type    Parents    Community    Strategy
'One person, one language'    Different native languages by degree of competence in other    One of the parents' languages is dominant    Each parent speaks own languages to child from birth
'Non-dominant home language'    Different native languages    One of the parents' languages is dominant    Both parents speak non-dominant language to child from birth
'Non-dominant home language without community support'    Share some native language    Dominant language is not that of the parents    Parents speak own language to child
'Double non-dominant home language without community support'    Different native languages    Dominant language is different from both parents' languages    Parents each speak own language to child from birth
'Non-native parents'    Share same native language    Dominant languages is same as the parents'    One parent addresses child in a language that is not native to him/her
'Mixed languages'    Bilingual    Sectors of community may also be bilingual    Parents code-switch and mix langauges.

See also:
How Adults Get Children to Pay Attention